For the ones who are awakening and remembering

I have been house bound for almost a week.

The neck decided to pull a trickster on me and 1 emergency visit to SGH A&E + an x-ray + 3 panic attacks later, I finally decided to activate Kat and Reah to help with the next day’s Human Design readings I was booked to do at a charity event.

Kat and Reah doing back to back readings for 5 hours

Of course, my rebellious self ignored the pain in my neck and still chose to go down for the event to show support. I was in pain yes, but the pain was going to be there even if I stayed home to continue watching reruns of Gilmore Girls. If I had to be in pain, I’d rather be in pain and doing something enjoyable.

As I watched Kat and Reah – 2 of Let Me Be’s first batch of HD practitioners – do Human Design readings for people, I took a moment to realize that my dream had already come true in a way.

What was this big dream of mine anyway?

I love teaching. I get to teach.

I love Human Design and sharing about it. I get to do that.

I love having the time and location flexibility while running my own business. Check again.

I love helping other asian entrepreneurs find their confidence in building their own businesses. Hell yes.

I love running retreats in nature. Just completed my 3rd and 1st overseas one in Cameron Highlands with my soul brother, Omsira Barry.

Basically….I already AM living my dream life, an extension of the dream life I got to live while digital nomading and full time travelling for 4 years.

Then WHY OH WHY, do I still feel this strange sense of imposter syndrome?? Why do I still feel like I need more money, more proof of success, more students, more external indicators to feel like I am ALREADY creating my own authentic life?

I asked myself these questions as I sat at Little Rouge Coffee, a cafe just 3 mins walking distance away from my parents’ place in Tiong bahru, sipping on a SGD $10 cup of matcha latte (Singapore really is becoming like a New York or a London)

I had brought myself there this morning to cement a change in my lifestyle – not just in action, but in perspective.

“Get real with yourself, Jane”

“Okay fine.”

“What is bothering you? What is causing you so much stress that your neck has shut you down twice in a month and for the first time in your life, your hand eczema is showing up?”

“I feel like I’m constantly playing catch up with money. It’s not consistent. Some months it’s very good, some months I’m barely saving anything.”

“Is there anything you can do about this?”

“Yes, I haven’t done all the business planning I’ve been meaning to do since 2024. Or at least i’ve tried but the plan never stuck.”

“And what’s stopping you from doing it?”

“Nothing. I’m just so tired of constantly doing so much.”

“Then rest.”

“I can’t.”

“Then work”

“I want to, but then my body hasn’t been so cooperative. I work as much as I can.”

“Then visualize your reality changing and persist in that”

“Eh?”

“Visualize yourself doing the work, enjoying it, feeling accomplished, feeling good and persist in this visualization.”

“It can’t be that easy”

“Why not”

“Because that’s not reality”

“Oh yeah? how did you get your Wilby apartment? How did you get your marketing job? How did you first start digital nomading? How did you end up not paying for accommodation in Europe the first 6 months?”

“That’s different, I just got lucky.”

“You got lucky so many times? Across so many years?”

“Hmmm”

“You manifested those things for yourself. You got specific with what you wanted, you led with your curiosity and didn’t have any attachments to the outcomes, and those things naturally unfolded. You’ve got a proven strategy of how things can happen for you and yet you’re choosing to rely on an old expired strategy that never quite worked for you and never will.”

“………………you’re right. I know you are.”

“Focus on feeling the emotions. You preach so much about it but are you doing it yourself? Are you actually allowing yourself to FEEL the successes and the milestones? Are you processing what you’ve already achieved?”

My higher self left me rather dumbfounded but I was saved from having to respond because Jerald, another student turned friend, texted and asked if he could chat about something. He’s a Self-projected projector which means his best decisions are made through him talking things out with someone else. “Can I call?” he asks. I grab this chance to exit the conversation with my higher self, and fly off the seat, walking away from Little Rouge cafe.

As I walk back home, a mere 97 steps or less, I take stock of how lucky I am. Lucky that I get to recuperate in Singapore, with meals being bought and delivered to me by my parents, lucky I get a room to myself, a comfortable bed. Lucky that this safe haven is in Tiong Bahru, one of the most expensive and sought-after neighborhoods in Singapore. Lucky that I don’t have a 9-5 job with a boss hounding me for work, that I don’t have to feel guilty about taking a week of MC because of my neck. Lucky because I have a partner who’s so amazing and has been taking care of me the last 5 years. The list can go on.

I sprint up the hill to my parents’ place – block 123 – as I used to as a child, and enter the elevator while putting Jerald on hold.

Whilst upstairs, I chat with him for a total of 7 mins before he comes to a cheery decision about his conundrum and says “okay thank you, bye!”

And I see my higher self lurking in the corner, with a big smile on her face, taunting me into finishing the conversation.

“FINE. You’re right. I have what I need. I’m just in a transition moment when the how is not clear, but the what is super clear.”

“Time doesn’t exist, enter the future version of yourself. Act like her. Talk like her. Think like her. Be her.”

“Easier said than done,” I muttered under my breath.

“You’re not gonna get there with that attitude,” she rolled her eyes at me.

I check my phone and realize a whole hour has passed since I’ve been alone with myself, chatting to…..myself.

I’m aware of how absurd this sounds but in reality, I know these are the moments that make the whole difference.

It is how we commit to choosing differently, to living differently in moments where no one is watching us, that allows us to experience our resilience, our strength, our tenacity.

To all of us solopreneurs, building our empires, making our dream lives a reality – I see you. I’m rooting for you.